Life is Weird

Endless Insanity

Archive for the tag “dementia”

Mermaids and Purple Pillows

As you all know I have been suffering from severe insomnia. I have been so exhausted that I was starting to feel sick. Anyhow – I know you have all heard enough of my whining and complaining about it. But you must admit that I have become quite skilled at this “Crying Game’.

I would like to take this opportunity to Thank my sidekick “Menopause” for taking all the blame – she has been a real trooper. I have knocked her around like an old soccer ball for the last few months, holding her responsible for virtually everything wrong in my insomniac world. It could well be that I am starting to love my Menopause. Even though she can be nasty and a total body bully, she has proven herself to be a loyal punching bag. I realize as I write this she is probably plotting her revenge right now. She knows I am feeling good. She has realized she has slipped in her attack against me – Because I have Slept.

Yes people I have Slept! I got Sleep! I was Sleeping! No matter how you want to say it – It Happened! I would thank God – but he gets credit for so much. This time I am giving all the credit to Mermaids. And Purple Pillows. In that order….Mermaids first, Purple pillows second.

There is a complex chain of events that led to this miraculous event of my Sleep so I will start at the beginning. Yes – I know – you have all heard that before. Just relax, calm down, and bare with me. It will all make sense in the end.

So – on Friday night my Jack Russell Zoey was sick. This demanded my full attention for most of the night. I love my baby girl even more than The Dollar Store, and she is never sick – never! I know that all of you fellow Puppy-Parents understand what a stressful evening this was. This dog would not leave my side – she was all over me – which is weird . I mean she usually follows me around, but its with a ball in her mouth -nagging me to throw it for her. She dose not nag for lovey dove attention. It was obvious she was not her normal hyper active, ball catching, freezie eating self. I was quite certain there would be an expensive visit to the Vet the following day. Anyhow – after finally getting “The Zo” (that’s what everyone calls her) settled in my arms , we snuggled and snoozed for maybe 3 hours before my friend Gary calls me at 7:00AM and announces he is on his way to pick me up for Saturday Yard Sailing. Is he out of his mind??! Obviously I would never ever leave “The Zo” at home sick, I am a good mother. A very Good mother! After getting a little coffee in my system Gary convinces me to go yard sailing and to bring “The Zo” with us. I agree. I get myself together as best I can, after a lousy 3 hours of sleep, and the Zo and I hop into his truck. We are off!

It was the right decision. The Zo livened up as the morning went along and she enjoyed driving from house to house as much as I did. Obviously she is no stranger to compliments and she got more than her share that morning. After having a good poop on someones lawn she really came back to life. Yes Yes Yes – I picked it up. Like I said – I am a good mother.

During my most enjoyable morning of yard sailing – I spent a total of $13.00. I really got a lot of wonderful deals. I would go on to list them all , but I will just tell you the best find of the day. A Pair of Gorgeous, soft, and plush beyond belief Purple Pillows. It was love at first sight. Purple is my favorite color, and I have a lot of purple tones in my bedroom, so these pillows were a perfect fit for my plush and soft girly bedroom.

As much as I would like to just cut to the chase and get to the “Good Part” , I find it is of the utmost importance that I elaborate on the events that follow my morning of Yard Sailing. Don’t worry – I will make it quick – well – as quick as I can – you will see how this all works together – like missing pieces of my insomniac puzzle all coming together like a miracle.

Okay – so Gary drops me off from Yard Sailing – we unload his truck – I take my treasures inside. I am so proud to put the find of the day on my bed. The 2 Gorg (short for Gorgeous) Purple Pillows on my Bed. I decide to NOT finish painting my Bathroom as I should – and for some bizarre reason decide that painting my deck would be a great “afternoon” project. It could only be the lack of sleep and my tired old brain that could somehow calculate this can of worms into being a good idea. So – Gary takes my much better Zoey off to his house so she can relax by his pool – as all princess dogs should. And I actually paint about 80% of my deck. I decide I have done enough for one day and head over to Garys to collect my dog. I feel good about getting so much done , but I am really really super tired. I get to Garys and flop on his comfy couch near his pool. Its so nice and relaxing. Of course he has a big screen TV by his pool -so this is perfect for me….. Sitting on a comfy outdoor couch, by a pool, in the nice fresh air and watching whatever it is on the TV.

Heres where things get weird. Amazing – but weird.

As I relax and sip on my Coke Zero….Gary asks me if I want to watch a Documentary on Mermaids. OMG – how foolish is this man ?? Seriously?? !! – Mermaids. I almost laugh in his face – however – I am really just to tired to win this argument with him and I agree to the Mermaid Documentary. This ended up being a life changing event. I know – how weird is that!!

I would need to write a short essay to prove my point on the existence of mermaids. All I can say – Is that you Must must must watch the Animal Planet Documentary on Mermaids. Please please please watch this. I will probably have to write more about this later on….its just so amazing.

The point is – is that I have been unable to sleep for months. And the moment I learn the truth about Mermaids – that they really do exist (even thought they are not pretty and have flowing hair like the Disney mermaids) – I Sleep. And I mean I hard-core sleep. Almost a coma. For 12 hours straight . Well there could have been a coma-tose pee break somewhere in there….but nothing to really mention – so never mind.

So I give full credit to the Mermaids that I am now sleeping again. A girls dreams can come true. Toss in a pair of Gorg purple pillows – and its a whole new world. A world I never thought I would be a part of again. One of dreams, snoring, sweaty pj’s, and even alarm clocks.

And I do not forget my close friend/enemy/nemesis named “Menopause”, because even though she seems to have finally lost this war (which really she had to – since there is no winning against a Mermaid) , I do not forget her. I do not forget her – or her sneaky bag of tricks. I know she will show her ugly head again. But at least for now – I can sleep with the Mermaids.

On Gorg purple pillows!!

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Anytime – Anywhere

This continued lack of sleep is making me mental. I have always been a little on the loopy side – but I could very well be flung right out of the loop in my current mental state. I am like the living dead. I am a high functioning zombie.

We all read the endless amounts of information on the internet about menopause; the symptoms, the treatments, the doctors, the quacks, the ins and the outs, the ups and the downs, everything including the sweaty pajamas. Its just a lot to much! I was going to say ” a little to much”, but No – it really is a lot to much. What is right – what is wrong. What is normal – what is abnormal. What is true – what is false. What is Good – what is Bad. I could go on and on here – but you get the idea – right? Maybe I don’t sleep because its just to much information. Maybe my sleep deprivation is really caused because of my new “Internet Brain”. My new and improved “Internet Brain” has so much information in it that it just can’t stop sorting and filing it all. I have run out of memory, my cache is full, I need more RAM. Maybe I am finally to smart for my own good. Perhaps I just need another Flash Drive. Seriously – how is anyone in the state of Menopausal Dementia supposed to sort this out.

A year ago I decided to become a healthier version of myself. As the thought of turning 50 was becoming a reality I decided it was time to make some changes in my life. And I did – I really really did. I quit drinking alcohol completely, I quit smoking completely, I started eating a lot more healthy foods, I exercise much more regularly. One would assume that with all of these positive changes I have made that I would feel like a million bucks.

Wrong.

I feel like Crap. And it does not make sense.

Why Can’t I Sleep? Why does my body feel like it has been hit by a train and dragged down the tracks?

My teeth even hurt – and I am not lying. I all of a sudden Grind my teeth – (with a capital “g”) . I have my jaws clenched so tight that I am sure you could put a rope in my mouth and swing me around like a pit bull holding onto its toy. Every now and then I catch myself – clenching on for dear life. I swear you could not wedge a worms eyelash through my tightly shut mouth. And when I catch myself its not like I can just instantly tell myself to stop doing it. The process to get my jaw to relax and become unhinged is not as simple as you might think. Its like talking myself off of the Edge.

“Its Okay – let go, let your jaw drop, wag your tongue, – let go of that rope ” . ” Good Girl” – Relax. Breathe…… There you go…… Much Better….

Once my jaw has become unglued I will concentrate for maybe 5 minutes to keep my jaw nice and relaxed. Next thing I notice is that my shoulders are starting to tense up. Then I notice my teeth are hurting again because my Jaws have snapped back into the closed position. Holy Crap – how did that all happen in 15 minutes.

As much as I want to just lie on the couch, or sit in a boiling hot vat of water – I know that the only way to relieve some of this body stress is to exercise. I grab my gorgeous little dog and I say to myself – a nice long walk by the river front – that will ease the stress. And if you can run for a few kilometers – you will surely have the best sleep ever! Ha! Ya’ – that doesn’t work either.

Its all like a cruel joke.

I ponder the idea of acting young again. Buying a bottle of wine – having a nice big glass – or even the whole bottle. Maybe that would put me to sleep. But I cannot do that because whenever I used to drink – I would smoke cigarettes. Lots and lots of cigarettes.( I know – its gross) I seriously never ever want to smoke again – and I know damn well that as soon as I have a glass of wine in my hand – I will think I am entitled to have a cigarette. I really cannot trust myself – how pathetic is that.

You know – “Back in the Day” (this phrase in itself tells everyone you are getting old.) – – – Anyhow – Yes – Back in the day, I could drink, smoke, party, eat all kinds of garbage, and I did not want to sleep. I did not need to sleep. But I could. When I was ready to lay my young body down for a rest – I slept like a baby. Anytime – anywhere.

I don’t want my youth back – I really really don’t. I don’t want to smoke, or drink, or party –

All I really really want is just some sleep. Anytime – Anywhere…..

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