Life is Weird

Endless Insanity

Archive for the tag “hoarding”

Kraft Dinner

You know that song “If I had a million Dollars” – by the Barenaked Ladies ?? I hope you all say yes – because that song should be a classic for Everyone – not just us Canadians. Anyhow – in the song its says that if they had $1,000,000 they would buy the “real” Kraft Dinner. Well – I agree with this more than you know. I have always been a fan of the “real” Kraft Dinner. I can eat a whole box myself. Even when I was a kid in school I ate a whole box myself. Honestly – I don’t think I would even make a box if I had to consider sharing it. As far as comfort foods go Kraft Dinner has always been one of those self indulgent staples that can be found in my pantry.

99% of the time I prepare the KD so it is just its regular smooth and creamy artificial cheesy consistency, this is when I like to top it with Ketchup. And pepper – lots of fresh ground pepper. Fresh ground pepper makes any meal fancier. Oh – and do I even have to say that the Ketchup must be Heinz? God – I hope not people – because that should just be a given. There is no ifs, ands, or buts about this one. You simply cannot pair the most legendary of boxed dinners with a less-superior condiment. Everyone knows there is no substitute that can match the perfection of the “real” Kraft Dinner – so it is really an unspoken truth , knowledge, or just a fact of life that if you are a person who prefers to top your KD with ketchup – it must be Heinz. And I am sorry to say that you can’t use the little ketchup packs you bring home from the Burger joints – even if they say they are Heinz.(I for one cannot be so sure that it is really Heinz – but that’s another story). I have done it before -(used the little packets) but only in an emergency situation – I guess it got me through the meal , however it really was not the same. I will admit that I do have very high standards when it comes to my KD meals, but I truly believe we should all show the proper amount of respect that is demanded by such a celebrated meal.

When I am sick the other 1% of the time- the whole KD preparation changes! I have to make it “soupier”. I know all my fellow KD connoisseurs know exactly what I mean. You just add a little – or a lot more milk so that the manufactured cheese sauce becomes more saucier – more liquidy. The soupy KD will require a large table spoon for consumption, whereas the “normal” KD is edible with a fork – if you so choose. Okay – so I only make the soupy KD when I am under the weather, and obviously this is just my own personal preference. Some people may to prepare their KD in the “soupier” way most of the time – this is acceptable – and once again a matter of personal preference. Obviously when KD is made soupier nobody in their right mind would put any ketchup on it – that would be absurd. You can have a little pepper – but not a lot- and not fresh ground – just the regular powdery type. Nobody should choke on pepper chunks when they are not feeling well.

When I was in university I even had Hangover KD. Obviously this in an experimental time of our lives. Some of us get into some pretty bad stuff during these formidable years, its really scary to think of the garbage we will just try so willingly before we even think it through. At this age I had it in my head that not only was I smarter than my elders – but I was smarter than Kraft itself, because I was going to tamper with the very essence of the KD experience . I really was just at the age where I didn’t have the respect I should have for anyone – or anything – including Kraft Dinner. I threw out the cheese pack – and stirred in a can of cream of mushroom soup. Perhaps in my youth I thought I was being fancy -or that somehow I was better than the cheese packet. This is what can happen to a young adult after flipping through a few of your aunties cookbooks. I admit I was a complete rebel – and really should have been punished for the total annihilation of the Original KD Experience. But trust me – eating it like that was punishment enough, and it never did cure a hang over . It may have made me barf though – which probably helped in my recovery. My KD Rebellion did not last long and in no time I was once again a responsible, and respectful KD consumer.

So – Anyhow – If I had $1,000,000 – it would be a sure bet that I would buy the “real” Kraft Dinner – and lots of it. I would have a nice little “hoard” of it. And only the Original Kraft Dinner. As Enjoyable as the White cheddar, the Sprirals and the other varieties can be -my heart is stuck on the Original KD. I just love it – and I would never cheat on it by trying another brand. In the worse case scenario -like a Zombie Apocalypse or whatever – If all I had in my “end of the world” cupboard was KD – I would be happy to eat it every day. I would probably buy other things with my $1,000,000 too – but like I said – it would be a safe bet that I would always have “REAL” Kraft Dinner in my cupboards!


Saturday Yard Sailing!

Well, just like I said – I did NOT sleep in. And just as expected – I barely slept a wink. But I was up with the Birds – 6:00am Sharp. After standing in a long hot shower that felt so soothing to my achy body I was eager to get ready for my day of yard “sailing” with Gary. I picked him up at about 7:15 and we were over to the north side of the city . And can you believe this – I forgot the stupid list. The one I spent so much time trying to figure out. I spent a good hour on line checking through way to many garage sales so I could pick the exact perfect ones we should go to. Anyhow – just like I told you before – I have lists. Lists and more lists. I should really have a list for my lists! Oh well – I decided to be a rebel and just “go with the flow”…..Seriously. And I did not panicky, I was not a total freak – I was Cool. So normal and Cool. Ya – I can go with the flow.

Okay – See how easy my mind wanders. I am supposed to be talking about Yard “Sailing” and I am rambling on about another one of my weird compulsive behaviours.

So – We get to the northside – and Oh My God – we have driven straight into Yard Sale Heaven. The beautiful sight of Pink and Yellow Neon Signs taped to poles and stapled to trees. It was absolutely marvelous! By the Way – for all you people that don’t use a pretty Neon Sign – Please do – The stupid little white signs you purchase at my beloved Dollar Store are to Pathetic for a Warrior Yard Sailor like myself. At least get some ribbon – or balloons – Come On People – its marketing at its very basics!

By 9:30 am my car was almost full. Sure – I bought quite a few treasures, but something was wrong with Gary. He was like a crack addict looking for a fix. He was buying everything. It was like watching an episode of Hoarders – but Live! Thank goodness I only have a small vehicle – because if I had a big truck we would probably still be unloading it now- 8 hours later. Come to think of it – he actually did buy a bathroom sink – he has to go back with his truck to pick it up. As much fun as the day was I will have to be very aware of his problem in the future and perhaps not enable him as much as I did. Yes – the cheetah picture was my fault – Totally. I do take responsibility when I really really have to.

Told Ya - Its a Car Full

Told Ya – Its a Car Full

Yup - Even the Trunk is full!

Yup – Even the Trunk is full!

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