Life is Weird

Endless Insanity

Archive for the tag “kittens”

Pickin’ Bits & a Boob Scratch.

Some people think that staying in on a Friday night is a sin. I remember the days when I thought the exact same thing, but times have changed for me. I enjoy coming home Friday after work. I have put in my week at work and can hardly wait to put on my slobby slob-out clothes, grab a bag of chips, a big glass of coke zero and improve my life via Pinterest. It works for me. Plus – I get to spend some quality time with my gorgy Zozo dog and her baby cat Charlie.


Now – we all know that I spoil the Zoey dog – to say the least. Do I need to remind anyone that I got the kitten for Zo – to keep her company during the day? No. So would it really be a surprise to find out that I spent part of my Friday night Pickin’ Bits for her. You see – I thought I was being quite smart, quite clever when I bought the delish looking dog food from the liquidation world. It had healthy little bits of dried beans and carrots in it. She eats beans and carrots off of my plate – so I thought she would like some in her own food. Wrong. Apparently the Zo has a very refined palate when it comes to her beans and carrots. That’s right – she does not approve of eating either one in the dried crunchy state. So I watched her as she would take a mouthful of the dried food over to the carpet , drop it all on the carpet, and then eat everything but the dried beans and carrots. She left those on the carpet for me to pick up. Ya – I don’t really want to be picking up these stupid bits every single day. But I am like a super genius and decide to dump out the whole bag on the counter – pick out the bean and carrot bits and chuck them in the garbage. Really – come on. This is Ridiculous – but I started so I actually finished. It took almost an hour.

After completing this tedious task I decided to reward myself with a nice hot bath. I love my baths. Zo always sits by the tub while I soak. She waits for me to get out and then dries my toes. I guess Zo’s new kitten Charlie wanted to become part of our bathing ritual. I saw her perched on the toilet seat – just watching. Okay – I am not stupid – I don’t trust this cat for nothin’. She is totally wild, and completely insane. I look at her and decide I was safe – I know she doesn’t like water – I know this for sure. How? Because when it was +35 out I thought she might like a little dip in Zozo’s pool. Ha! – Not so much. Don’t go getting all up in arms with me either. I was not being cruel – I didn’t just chuck her in. I had her on a leash and I lowered her in carefully and I was holding on tight. Lets just say I won’t do that again. And there is also the fact that I can now hold up a spray bottle of water and she halts in her tracks. This is my only defence against this 2 lbs. weapon of mass destruction. When I find her hanging on my sheers – a little spray of water – and she’s gone. The curtains are all snagged to shit now anyways – but that’s besides the point. There are times where I catch Charlie planning her next random attack on my home d├ęcor – and when I do – I call her name – show her my weapon – and she changes her little evil mind, for that moment in time anyways.

Okay – Okay – way off track again – I know.

So – I am relaxing in the tub – my knees up, my head on the inflatable pillow. I could sleep in that steamy hot water , I really could. My false sense of security has taken over any common sense. The tiny cute kitten,who I am now quite sure is a demented flying squirrel=cat, is planning her next attack.

My Moment of Zen is over in a quick second. Charlie – being the Cirque de Sol acrobat that she is has obviously scoped out my dry knees sticking up and has leaped towards them . She thinks she will be safe from the water but does not realize she has just scared the bejesus out of me. So I jolt – she drops. Before she gets “wet” she has somehow landed on my now upright chest. As I sit up she sinks her little razor claws into my boob. She is hanging from me like a cheap necklace. Not cute. This kitten has clawed the crap out of me , but I never thought I would get a boob scratch from her. I really should have known better. After removing the kitten from my body I know I have lost my chance for that relaxing bath moment.

As I reflect on my Friday night I know that I could be doing other things. If I really wanted I could go party it up , or go for dinner, go to a movie. Maybe I should change things up a bit – go out on Friday nights. Stop = I will not give in to the maniacal mayhem of this baby feline. I will be the boss of her. She will not dictate my life – or my Friday nights. Right?



Cat for the Dog

For the last 2 years I have felt really really bad for leaving my precious Zozo ( aka Zoey or “The Zo” ) at home everyday while I go to work. In case you don’t know – Zozo is my Gorgy Gorgy (short for gorgeous) Long Haired Jack Russell. She is truly just the light of my life. I love her beyond words – and Yes – she may be a tad on the spoiled side. Just a Tad – But that is to be expected because I do not have children of the Human variety.

Zozo & I used to live out in the country and for some reason while we lived out there I never felt bad leaving her in the house all day. I guess its because she could run around free out there. Our walks did not require a leash, we would just go out the back door and right into the wilderness. And we had the best neighbors out there- Zozo really really loved them. I would open the door and off she would go down her well beaten path to the next house down. They had a beautiful black lab that Zozo loved to play with. They also let Zoey right in their house when she showed up. They were so good to her and she made herself right at home there – sitting at the kitchen table being fed pancakes and bacon. I guess its no wonder there was a well beaten path to their house – I never gave her treats that good. Anyhow – the day came where Zoey and I moved into the city. Her days of leashless walks, rabbit chasing, and pancake feeding neighbors were over. Everything changed. She became a prisoner of the city, and all of its ridiculous dog-laws that really were not made to ensure her happiness.

Now all of our walks require a leash. Mind you she is a good leash walker – no problems there. Its just that she no longer has any freedom. I can’t just open the door and let her go chase rabbits and squirrels – she must be under my constant supervision. It is now 2 years later and the guilt of leaving her alone has finally got the better of me. For a long time I thought I should get her another dog to hang out with, but there were so many things to consider. First of all – I am not sure if Zozo would appreciate another dog in the house. I mean – she is no doubt the boss of the house. Numero Uno, Queen of the World , and definitely the Boss of me. She owns the house and basically lets me live there and pay the mortgage for her.

It occurred to me that when we lived out in the country there was a short period of time where we looked after an abandoned kitten. I found the kitten in the ditch by our driveway. So I made it a little bed in our garage and let it set up house there. I never really considered letting the cat inside. I just assumed that a Jack Russell + Small Baby Cat could only lead to chaos. As it turns out, Zoey loved this little cat. I mean she really really loved this little cat. When I would get home from work she bolted to the cats house and smothered it with sloppy tongue kisses. It was quite surprising really. She would even carry it around by the scruff of the neck and take it to the safety of the garage if she heard her black lab friends approaching.

You can see where this is going – right? Yes – I got my Gorgy Zozo a baby-cat. She went bezerk when I brought her home. I was afraid she was going to lick the tiny head off of the baby cat. The cat is very very tiny. I named her Charlie. Zoey truly seems to enjoy having her own baby cat – except at night time when it wants to keep her up to play and chew on her tail. We all know I am a good mother to the Zo (obviously – I just got her a cat for heavens sake) – so to keep her happy and to ensure we both gets our proper beauty sleep I have had to turn my arts and crafts room into Charlies new room . Yes – until Charlie learns to sleep at night with Zoey & I she will have to have her own nighttime room. And yes – I have the room full of all the goodies any baby cat should have, its not like we are locking the poor thing up in a closet.

This story only goes to show the world that a True dog lover will do almost anything for their dog. If the scratches all over my body, the cleaning of the litterbox, or the stinky wet kitten food are not enough proof then I do not know what is. I do know that The Zo is quite content with her baby cat Charlie. And I am happy that she is not alone all day. In the end all that matters is that my Zozo is happy. I will do whatever it takes – obviously because I just got a Cat for my Dog.

Zozo and Charlie



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