Life is Weird

Endless Insanity

Archive for the tag “paint”

Mermaids and Purple Pillows

As you all know I have been suffering from severe insomnia. I have been so exhausted that I was starting to feel sick. Anyhow – I know you have all heard enough of my whining and complaining about it. But you must admit that I have become quite skilled at this “Crying Game’.

I would like to take this opportunity to Thank my sidekick “Menopause” for taking all the blame – she has been a real trooper. I have knocked her around like an old soccer ball for the last few months, holding her responsible for virtually everything wrong in my insomniac world. It could well be that I am starting to love my Menopause. Even though she can be nasty and a total body bully, she has proven herself to be a loyal punching bag. I realize as I write this she is probably plotting her revenge right now. She knows I am feeling good. She has realized she has slipped in her attack against me – Because I have Slept.

Yes people I have Slept! I got Sleep! I was Sleeping! No matter how you want to say it – It Happened! I would thank God – but he gets credit for so much. This time I am giving all the credit to Mermaids. And Purple Pillows. In that order….Mermaids first, Purple pillows second.

There is a complex chain of events that led to this miraculous event of my Sleep so I will start at the beginning. Yes – I know – you have all heard that before. Just relax, calm down, and bare with me. It will all make sense in the end.

So – on Friday night my Jack Russell Zoey was sick. This demanded my full attention for most of the night. I love my baby girl even more than The Dollar Store, and she is never sick – never! I know that all of you fellow Puppy-Parents understand what a stressful evening this was. This dog would not leave my side – she was all over me – which is weird . I mean she usually follows me around, but its with a ball in her mouth -nagging me to throw it for her. She dose not nag for lovey dove attention. It was obvious she was not her normal hyper active, ball catching, freezie eating self. I was quite certain there would be an expensive visit to the Vet the following day. Anyhow – after finally getting “The Zo” (that’s what everyone calls her) settled in my arms , we snuggled and snoozed for maybe 3 hours before my friend Gary calls me at 7:00AM and announces he is on his way to pick me up for Saturday Yard Sailing. Is he out of his mind??! Obviously I would never ever leave “The Zo” at home sick, I am a good mother. A very Good mother! After getting a little coffee in my system Gary convinces me to go yard sailing and to bring “The Zo” with us. I agree. I get myself together as best I can, after a lousy 3 hours of sleep, and the Zo and I hop into his truck. We are off!

It was the right decision. The Zo livened up as the morning went along and she enjoyed driving from house to house as much as I did. Obviously she is no stranger to compliments and she got more than her share that morning. After having a good poop on someones lawn she really came back to life. Yes Yes Yes – I picked it up. Like I said – I am a good mother.

During my most enjoyable morning of yard sailing – I spent a total of $13.00. I really got a lot of wonderful deals. I would go on to list them all , but I will just tell you the best find of the day. A Pair of Gorgeous, soft, and plush beyond belief Purple Pillows. It was love at first sight. Purple is my favorite color, and I have a lot of purple tones in my bedroom, so these pillows were a perfect fit for my plush and soft girly bedroom.

As much as I would like to just cut to the chase and get to the “Good Part” , I find it is of the utmost importance that I elaborate on the events that follow my morning of Yard Sailing. Don’t worry – I will make it quick – well – as quick as I can – you will see how this all works together – like missing pieces of my insomniac puzzle all coming together like a miracle.

Okay – so Gary drops me off from Yard Sailing – we unload his truck – I take my treasures inside. I am so proud to put the find of the day on my bed. The 2 Gorg (short for Gorgeous) Purple Pillows on my Bed. I decide to NOT finish painting my Bathroom as I should – and for some bizarre reason decide that painting my deck would be a great “afternoon” project. It could only be the lack of sleep and my tired old brain that could somehow calculate this can of worms into being a good idea. So – Gary takes my much better Zoey off to his house so she can relax by his pool – as all princess dogs should. And I actually paint about 80% of my deck. I decide I have done enough for one day and head over to Garys to collect my dog. I feel good about getting so much done , but I am really really super tired. I get to Garys and flop on his comfy couch near his pool. Its so nice and relaxing. Of course he has a big screen TV by his pool -so this is perfect for me….. Sitting on a comfy outdoor couch, by a pool, in the nice fresh air and watching whatever it is on the TV.

Heres where things get weird. Amazing – but weird.

As I relax and sip on my Coke Zero….Gary asks me if I want to watch a Documentary on Mermaids. OMG – how foolish is this man ?? Seriously?? !! – Mermaids. I almost laugh in his face – however – I am really just to tired to win this argument with him and I agree to the Mermaid Documentary. This ended up being a life changing event. I know – how weird is that!!

I would need to write a short essay to prove my point on the existence of mermaids. All I can say – Is that you Must must must watch the Animal Planet Documentary on Mermaids. Please please please watch this. I will probably have to write more about this later on….its just so amazing.

The point is – is that I have been unable to sleep for months. And the moment I learn the truth about Mermaids – that they really do exist (even thought they are not pretty and have flowing hair like the Disney mermaids) – I Sleep. And I mean I hard-core sleep. Almost a coma. For 12 hours straight . Well there could have been a coma-tose pee break somewhere in there….but nothing to really mention – so never mind.

So I give full credit to the Mermaids that I am now sleeping again. A girls dreams can come true. Toss in a pair of Gorg purple pillows – and its a whole new world. A world I never thought I would be a part of again. One of dreams, snoring, sweaty pj’s, and even alarm clocks.

And I do not forget my close friend/enemy/nemesis named “Menopause”, because even though she seems to have finally lost this war (which really she had to – since there is no winning against a Mermaid) , I do not forget her. I do not forget her – or her sneaky bag of tricks. I know she will show her ugly head again. But at least for now – I can sleep with the Mermaids.

On Gorg purple pillows!!

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Can of Paint

A couple of weekends ago I had the best day yard sailing with my friend Gary. I now find myself in quite the predicament , and it can all be linked directly to that wonderful sunny Saturday.

For weeks prior to that lovely day I had been carrying around 2 paint chips in my purse. They were the colors I had finally picked to paint my bathroom as well as my living room. So it was almost an unbelievable moment when at a young couples garage sale I see all of these paint cans sitting on the concrete. I got very excited but kept calm as I approached the paint cans. It was like the gods from above were smiling down on me. There were 2 cans that almost exactly matched the chips in my purse. WOW! And they were Full – unused. 2 full cans of paint , that were only a couple of months old they told me, worth at least $50 bucks a piece, right there in my grasp. I asked how much. I was in shock as the young fellow said $2 bucks each would be good. Good – holy crap – That was Great! I gave him the money and grabbed one of my best finds of the day and off to the car they went! I was elated because I really didn’t know if I wanted to spend a lot of money to paint either of my rooms. It was like someone gave me Free paint. What a great day that was.

Now lets move ahead – actually behind – to last weekend. It was horrible cold and rainy weather. There was no yard sailing that day for sure. So I stayed home for my “Me Day” . You know – I did do some of my easy house chores – but all in all I just kind of pampered myself. I did my nails, read a book, worked on my Owl Art, and just enjoyed the day to myself. Even though it was a rainy day I really did make the most of it and enjoyed it thoroughly. I did not think anything could ruin the day. Little did I know that at 9:00pm everything was about to go horrible wrong . My split second decision at this hour would not only ruin my day – but also the days to follow. I am sure you are wondering what could possibly go so wrong. I will tell you what went wrong….

I opened that can of Paint. I thought it was a can of paint , but I now know it was really a can of Worms!

Since I suffer from a wicked case of insomnia I knew that I would not be going to sleep at 9:00 on a Saturday night. I suppose that is sad on many different levels. Perhaps I should have been out dancing the night away – but come on – at my age – Really… I guess what I am trying to say is that I am under the presumption that most gals my age would have much better things to do on a Saturday night , at 9:00pm no less, than to decide to paint their bathrooms.

Welcome to my weird world , where I exist in an exhausted state that we all know I like to blame on Menopause.

Back on track – stick to the story – I know . I know. Sorry.

I gather all the painting supplies that I so eagerly purchase that week at my beloved Dollarama. I open the can of paint, give it a good stir and generously poured some into the tray. As I am about to begin I realize I did not take time to tape off the room first. So I quickly tape off the easiest part of the room and happily paint the borders. It took me about 15 minutes to finish the borders and even roll on the paint for that very tiny section of the bathroom. As I put down the roller I realize I am totally screwed. I am forced to leave the false reality that I can paint this bathroom on a whim this quiet Saturday night. There are towel hangers, shelves, lights, and other idiotic obstacles clearly standing in my way.

All of a sudden painting the bathroom sucks beyond belief.

I get my wits about myself and put the paint away – pull out the tools I have and decide not all is lost – I will do this right. I get the shelves down no problem. The small towel hanger – no problem. Now my quiet night is not so quiet. The long silver towel bar – Ya – it does not want to come off. In fact I don’t know how to get it off. And I can’t tape around it – that would never work. So I bring out the hammer. I am smacking this hanger to high heaven. I realize my bathroom window is open – and start to wonder if my neighbor can hear me. He’s probably getting pissed off by now. After about 1/2 an hour I am triumphant. I win the battle, and yet I am still oblivious to the fact that the war has only just begun.

With my walls clear of shelves, 1 small hanger and 1 long towel bar – there is still 1 small bracket to remove. The bracket from the left side of the long bracket. No problems – the right side bracket was a breeze. So I take my little screw driver and ” have at it”. Good God – this freaky screw is Long. Way longer that the right bracket screw. And it will not come out. As I examine it closer I see it is one of those butterfly screws. Ya – I don’t know what to do at all. Then I look around and realize all the holes in the walls need some of that wall filler. I don’t have any of that. I wonder if I could just use toothpaste, which I probably would have done, but my toothpaste is that white and red swirly kind. Why could I not just have the plain white Colgate I usually buy? I am pretty certain that there would be nothing wrong with pepperminty fresh Colgate walls. I am at a total loss now – and its only 10:00pm. I pack it in. I am going back to the couch with my good book!

Okay – now we can fast forward to this evening. I have most of the holes filled and sanded once. There is still a long freaky butterfly screw hanging out of the wall. I tried to saw it off with a steak knife but to no avail. I am going to have to swallow my pride and ask someone to help me remove the freaky screw. Which I did not want to do. I just wanted to paint my bathroom on a quiet Saturday night. I wanted to say I did it all by myself. Perhaps as I lie awake tonight in my insomniac state of mind I will have a revelation on how to get rid of that screw without outside assistance.

There are many lessons to be learned from to this little story. First of all I must say “Buyer Beware”, because a simple can of paint can really mess with your mind. It can knock you down and make you take a good long look at yourself. It can make you question your own judgement, your competency. I really thought I was a smart girl, I mean I know that nothing is “Free”. And I look back to my excitement on the $2 cans of paint and realize how much it will really cost me in the end. There will be the cost of new towel racks, shelves, towels and d├ęcor. I look back now and wonder if that nice young fellow that sold me the paint was laughing at my naivety as I so happily put the paint in my car.

I hope to finish painting my bathroom this weekend. And its the first time knowing that when my “screw is loose” I will be fine with that. More than fine!

Freaky long Screw

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